Dear Life,

I'm a girl that craves security. That part I do admit. But I'm also a girl who loves freedom, who loves the sunshine. I like crowded places because I'm afraid of being alone. I love fairytales because I want to believe that there is always a happy ending. I think a lot, but I don't focus on all my thoughts all the time. I over-analyze, but I don't hold on to old grudges and faults. I remember my embarrasing acts, because I'm afraid to repeat them. I'm afraid to fall in love now, because of you. I don't want to meet another guy who messes up my life to this extent, and over-reads everything I say. It is one thing to over-analyze, and another to remember. Trust me, whatever analysis I made on you, I have forgotten about it. I don't think that life is so hard to live. I don't believe in staying up late because it's not healthy, and I love sunshine. I'd rather wake up early, than sleep late, unless I'm studying. I like my life to be in order, and I get mad when someone messes up that order. When I say order, I mean the way I live, the way I walk, the way I stick to timings. I detest being late, but I don't like being early too because I don't like being alone. My memories stick to songs and my walking patterns. If you mess them up, I'll go crazy. I like to write about my life, as a sort of rant. Don't get mad at me for writing a poem about you because HONESTLY, I need to live somehow. You can't expect me to suffer in utter silence because writing is the way I express myself. If you still don't understand that, you don't know me. Writing is my only way of showing my feelings. If you get mad or sad at me, there is nothing I can do. I can't change, neither can I comfort you because that is the way I feel. See? That's why I'm writing on this blog: because it's the last place I can rant without you seeing. Don't you feel annoyed when someone is constantly assuming everything about you? You were practically dictating my life out in sentences. Why am I pissed? Because you got it all wrong. ALL. you read me wrongly. I don't like getting angry, but I'm so full of angst right now. I love singing, and though I completely forget my pitch, that's the way I am. If you can't accept that, then too bad. I know I can't sing. You don't need to keep reminding me. I love who I am, where I'm from, the way I dress, the way I live my life. I love yellow light because white light is too harsh, and I love comfy things. I love the sun, I can't stop loving it, and I love home-cooked food. I don't think that loud music, crazy lifestyles, or cussing continuosly can enable you to lead your life better because you're just wasting it away. The simplest thing I love to do is to sleep, because I love to dream. So, stop taking those dreams away from me. Stop trying to kill the last hope I have for life. I'll never stop hoping. Never. I love festivals because you get to spend them with your families, and I cry when I read chinese stories. I'm a person who needs to be linked to real living people. That's why I suck in Chemistry, and do way better in Biology. I'm afraid of speaking out my thoughts because I'm afraid of being wrong. I never liked to stand out in my physical aspects, because if I do, it'll mean that I'm doing something wrong. I love to dance, and yes, I'm not a great dancer, but I still love to. I'm stuck in a crazy situation half the time, but I choose to ignore that fact because if I acknowledge it, it'll consume me. Sometimes, life isn't about constantly pushing yourself forward. You need to rest too. So, stop telling me what I should do, because I'll find those out for myself. And I said it once, I'll say it again. Writing is the only way I can express myself. If you don't like it, then you don't know me.

XOXO,
me. the girl who still hopes.

LIMSHAN! HELLO! my name is limshan, and just to give you a headstart... I'm a sotong, and this is going to be a freakishly long post that changes all the time because i change all the time so you'll have to bear with me here:D so...hmm...who am i? Now, that's really simple. I'm a girl who probably should have been born in the 15th century when kings and queens were still alive and girls were still wearing corsets and dresses. I'm absolutely insane about everything vintage, from tables to chairs to old coffeeshop houses near my house. Ah hah! Caught you there! You thought i was refering to the western kind of vintage right?(just agree. I know its lame but fun to try lah) Nope. I like anything old. Old houses, with maybe a little paint peeling off and some faults with the door handles and everything just makes me feel more at home. Don't you feel so constraint when you're in a whitewashed house with perfect glass doors with no finger prints or anything? Anyway, where was i? Ah, just another headstart, my memory skills are terrible beyond belief. How i can forget something that i'm writing now, i have absolutely no idea. Let's see.... Yes, i love the ice cream stands that are stationed outside the toa payoh library because they provide me the sugar rush after i had just studied in the awesome place and i love immersing myself in crowds. I love to be among people, because it makes me feel less lonely in life, and i absolutely adore my neighbourhood. At night, the streets will light up as though magic dust had been scattered around everywhere! Well, in actual fact, there are just over a dozen light shops there, but its really uplifting to see your home place lit up like its christmas on a night on your way back home from tiring school. I love festivals because they're so festival-ish and noisy and i just love the feeling. I exceptionally adore chinese new year because on those few days, everywhere would be blasting tunes that you know by heart and you get to dress up and visit everyone and just be happy on that day without anyone thinking that you're going bonkers. Christmas is fun too, but it doesn't have that boisterous feeling like chinese new year:D it is more of the time of the year where you settle down and think about how great the year has been:D Anyway, i love the smell of cookies when they just came out of the oven, and the feeling of garlic being fried when you step home from school. I want to learn how to play the piano even though the notes look like bean sprouts like me and i can only recognize numbers. I'm in love with country music that has a story behind it because i think songs only make sense when there is a reason for them being written. I miss playing on the swings and running amok like a little girl and i dream that one day, i can be one again. I love dance because i feel less lanky and uncoordinated when i'm dancing because right now, i'm tall and you will not believe how many scraps and pathetic falls i get into everyday because my arms and legs are way too long. I don't dream about guys as much as i used to because right now, i learned that life does not just revolve around love itself because its not worth being gloomy over a single guy and I don't believe in love at first sight. I think love is a magical thing though, because when you love someone, you tend to put him before yourself and that goes against the human nature of thinking about yourself at first. I love writing more than any of those things above because the words on paper are my voices. I'm extremely self-concious and i over analyze everything i see but sometimes, i know that a person cannot be perfect and glam all the time. If you're too perfect, you tend to look at people's flaws more critically and eventually, their flaws become unbearable to you because you have them as well. I believe that we should be just who we are, so if you day dream about love and people tell you to give it up, don't. I have a dream of creating a writing world where people can read when they feel sad, and then feel happy after that. I love writing stories and my main characters often carry characteristc traits of yours truly, and will continue to do so because when i solve my main characters' problems, i learn how to solve my own too. I believe that there is always a fairytale ending for everyone, and it all depends if you want to pursue it. I'm a terribly flawed girl who loves to sing in the toilet, dreams of being a superstar one day, and thinks of changing the world by myself as if i will ever be superman. I used to be a pushover and i was too lazy to even stand up for my own rights but now, i believe that we are all not angels. We are human beings, and if we're upset, we have to do something to ease the pain away. I never liked to scream at people, or people yelling at each other but i understand that they have to find a way to get rid of the things stuck in their chests. I write poems about the things i feel but mostly, they are not meant in any malicious way unless, you've been malicious to me of course. But when that happens, i'll think hard on whether its worth being malicious back. I get scared very easily and i stress and panic really easily but then, i would find a solution to the problem just as fast. I suffer from inferiority complex but i hate to let it ruin my life because its really not worth it. I used to be afraid and anti social but i've learned that to make friends, you have to be a little thick skinned at the beginning because its the hardest to be the first one to say, "Hi." Did i mention the fact that i think love is magical? Well, writing about love is part of me, and i guess it will always be. This place is one outlet where i can just let my thoughts flow and i love it to bits because too often, i dream of ideas that never really do see the light of the day. I treasure each new idea that comes to mind and i hope that one day, it gets shown to the world. And now, I hope that this blog, brings you magic, something that you need in your life, something magical, just like love.
Oh, did i forget to mention? I'm a girl thats called limshan.
And I'm a sotong.:)